God can handle your doubt

Ever since I was diagnosed with perinatal depression, I have become acutely aware that each person has a story you may never know about.

“How are you?” seems to have become just a greeting instead of a genuine desire to meet people where they’re at.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve responded, “I’m good! How are you?!”, when really I was falling apart on the inside.

Lately, I’ve realized how much this happens in the church. We show up on Sunday mornings to take part in corporate worship because that’s our tradition, after all, the Bible encourages us to meet with other believers.

But I wonder how many of us want to be there. How many of us actually mean the words we are repeating, or singing?

When I was at some of my lowest points, I consciously said, “God, I am choosing to believe this is true about you. I am choosing to believe that you are great and good, even though it does not feel like it right now.”

Now when I’m up on the stage on the music team, I wonder how many people are saying the same thing with me.

This past Sunday we sang ‘How Great is our God’. And I just felt like, the God I have a relationship with doesn’t feel great right now.

Right now, He is a still small voice encouraging me to keep moving forward. There are no fireworks, no massive shows of his power – but there is peace.

I hope wherever you’re at in your journey, that you can reach out to someone and be honest about your feelings and struggles. I hope you can feel comfortable to say, “I don’t feel like worshipping right now.”.

If you’re at a place where God seems unfair or non-responsive. Lean into that, tell Him you think so. The Psalms are full of confrontations with God. The Psalmist knew that God could handle his doubt and when he expressed his frustration, he ended up with peace.

So yell at God if you need to, explain your frustrations, and how you think He is being unfair. Just don’t stop communicating with Him. Read His word, lean into its Truths and hold onto the hope that you will get through this – because you will.

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