I looked at Shirley, shocked. Tears began streaming down my face. For the first time in my life I believed it; I claimed it as my own.
As part of my sessions with Shirley, I had to do a temperament analysis.
For the most part, it confirmed things I already thought about myself. I’m an extrovert, I love a good party, I feel very deeply for people and I’m definitely a free spirit!
But it also confirmed something that had come up in a few doctor’s appointments. I swing from high to low and back again. This can sometimes be misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder, but with the proper tools, a person with this personality can function well, even with the pendulum swing.
I remember being frustrated with that, and other things like, how much I needed people to like me. I was explaining to her a situation in which I felt I could never be enough. I was intentionally not speaking up, trying to make myself smaller to appease their insecurities. And I was miserable!
Her statement surprised me. It stopped me in my tracks. Isn’t there always something to improve? Some way to be more accepted and loved?
Then she pointed me to Psalm 139:13-14:
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
She reminded me that God had created me to be the person that I am, and that He calls it good.
That day was a turning point for me. When I truly realized that every part of me – even the loud, excitable, sometimes naive parts – were a part of God’s plan for my life, and that He wanted them to be that way, I was freed from the fear of people’s opinions.
And that was the day I started making better decisions for myself and my family. I walked away from a business I had helped build from the ground up because it wasn’t serving me anymore. I started to say ‘no’ more. I chose to rest when many self help books and instagram accounts would have told me to keep pushing. I let go of empty relationships. I spent more time in the most fulfilling relationship of all, with my heavenly Father.
I have a long way to go, but I’m leaning into who God designed me to be, resting in His grace and waiting for His guidance.
In the meantime, I’ll continue to be that firecracker – get ready for the show!